I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
