I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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