i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
