Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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