This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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