So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Randomize
