And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
