they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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