All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
