sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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