dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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