She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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