a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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