I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize