i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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