if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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