This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
