I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
please don't ironically join a cult
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