Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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