i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
