Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
