Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
