Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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