i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
