Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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