I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize