um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
