The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
