After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
