I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
