I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
