When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize