my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
