we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
