think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
