Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
