if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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