I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
