the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
