dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
