Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
