We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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