This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
