Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
