Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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