I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
