I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
