Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
