he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
