my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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