After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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