Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
