I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
