he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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