Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
