Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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