I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
