Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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