My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
