It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
