So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
