Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
