Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
