i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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