so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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