is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
