I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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