Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sorry about my life...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
