Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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