Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize