I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
