i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
