I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
