she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
