I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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