Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
